i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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