Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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