Just fell off a train. Bad.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
