I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
