i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
