Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
