Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
