we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
