Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
