I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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