So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
