All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
