you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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