Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
