hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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