nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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