Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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