ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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