too bad you live with your parents still
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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