this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you inspire me to be a worse person
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
