oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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