I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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