Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
