soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
