just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
