oh god the rape fog is back!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
