At least make sure they are 18
Why
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
