my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
