Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
