Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
