my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
