So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
