smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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