and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
