his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
