last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
