Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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