dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
