I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
