No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize