1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
