My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
