Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dicks are not precious.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
