Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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