I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
