This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
