Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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