I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize