the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
