id be glad to
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
