Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
