Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
