if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Found your dick twin last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
