I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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