Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
