Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
