I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
