don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize