You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
