i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
