you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize