He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
