It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
