i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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