DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
