yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
