I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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