The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
