im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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