they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize