Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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