please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
