rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
