I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is wine microwaveable?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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