Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
