there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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